It cost him so much more than Izuna could ever realize to utter those words. Admitting such things, admitting that sort of vulnerability even to the man who’d been his lover was hard for someone like Tobirama. He tried to control his emotions, tried to ice over his heart but somehow, this sneaky little Uchiha had managed to chisel his way inside and even his death hadn’t been able to excise him from his heart.
Tobirama didn’t regret things very often. To his mind, it was a pointless sentiment but he’d regretted not saying those words out loud to Izuna just once when he’d been alive. He’d regretted the fact his lover had gone to the grave never knowing the true extent of feelings he had for him mainly because he’d been too much of a coward to say it out loud.
He wasn’t surprised Izuna didn’t say or even acknowledge those words. After all, to his mind he was just his murderer, right? The Senju had spent more time than he wanted to admit trying to envision what Izuna’s last days had been like. How he’d felt knowing he was dying at the hand of his own lover…that Tobirama had known he was dying and never came to him.
Those were the types of thoughts that kept him up at night but made for effective evenings when he’d been trying to perfect his Edo Tensei jutsu.
“I don’t hate your brother, I never have.” Disliked him immensely, yes. But hate required too much of you and gave the other person a permanent home in your thoughts. “Hate is more your clan’s purview than mine. But I did take you from him and I dislike owing debts. More importantly, I’ve seen the way he looks and knew it was only a matter of time till he lost himself in the curse that rots you Uchiha from the inside out. If I could restore you to him then perhaps he won’t lose himself to that inner darkness. Konoha won’t lose one of its founding members and he and Hashirama’s dream can continue to flourish.”
Their dream…not his. It had never been his but for the love of his brother and his clan, he’d done his best to support it. If it meant Senju children and other children didn’t have to go out to die at the hands of adults with poor training and no hope of survival then he’d do anything he could to see to it that Konoha made it.
Greedily, he drank in the sight of Izuna’s way of moving. It was both graceful and deadly in its perfect economical smoothness. He prowled like some big hunting cat from distant lands he’d only read about in his books.
Finally, finally his restless prowling around the lab brought the Uchiha close and Tobirama stood his ground even though a part of him would like nothing more than to reach out and drag him into his arms. But he knew such an act would only drive Izuna back again like some skittish creature. His composure very nearly broke when that fine fingered hand rose to point at the etched in symbol gracing his face guard. In truth, most days he didn’t even think about it or the fact he’d so readily cast aside his clan symbol to support Hashirama’s dreams.
“That’s the symbol of our village. Konoha. The hidden village in the leaves,” Tobirama’s palms itched with the urge to reach out and touch Izuna’s hand and to control the urge, he ended up curling them into the material of his pants instead.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2015-09-10 01:52 am (UTC)Tobirama didn’t regret things very often. To his mind, it was a pointless sentiment but he’d regretted not saying those words out loud to Izuna just once when he’d been alive. He’d regretted the fact his lover had gone to the grave never knowing the true extent of feelings he had for him mainly because he’d been too much of a coward to say it out loud.
He wasn’t surprised Izuna didn’t say or even acknowledge those words. After all, to his mind he was just his murderer, right? The Senju had spent more time than he wanted to admit trying to envision what Izuna’s last days had been like. How he’d felt knowing he was dying at the hand of his own lover…that Tobirama had known he was dying and never came to him.
Those were the types of thoughts that kept him up at night but made for effective evenings when he’d been trying to perfect his Edo Tensei jutsu.
“I don’t hate your brother, I never have.” Disliked him immensely, yes. But hate required too much of you and gave the other person a permanent home in your thoughts. “Hate is more your clan’s purview than mine. But I did take you from him and I dislike owing debts. More importantly, I’ve seen the way he looks and knew it was only a matter of time till he lost himself in the curse that rots you Uchiha from the inside out. If I could restore you to him then perhaps he won’t lose himself to that inner darkness. Konoha won’t lose one of its founding members and he and Hashirama’s dream can continue to flourish.”
Their dream…not his. It had never been his but for the love of his brother and his clan, he’d done his best to support it. If it meant Senju children and other children didn’t have to go out to die at the hands of adults with poor training and no hope of survival then he’d do anything he could to see to it that Konoha made it.
Greedily, he drank in the sight of Izuna’s way of moving. It was both graceful and deadly in its perfect economical smoothness. He prowled like some big hunting cat from distant lands he’d only read about in his books.
Finally, finally his restless prowling around the lab brought the Uchiha close and Tobirama stood his ground even though a part of him would like nothing more than to reach out and drag him into his arms. But he knew such an act would only drive Izuna back again like some skittish creature. His composure very nearly broke when that fine fingered hand rose to point at the etched in symbol gracing his face guard. In truth, most days he didn’t even think about it or the fact he’d so readily cast aside his clan symbol to support Hashirama’s dreams.
“That’s the symbol of our village. Konoha. The hidden village in the leaves,” Tobirama’s palms itched with the urge to reach out and touch Izuna’s hand and to control the urge, he ended up curling them into the material of his pants instead.