Raising up your dead...

[tobirama]

Characters: Izuna curseofhatred & Tobirama tobirama
Verse: TBD
Status: Closed Log
Warnings: Edo Tensei should really be warning enough. Gratuitous amounts of angst and feels.




Anyone who met Senju Tobirama almost universally agreed that the man was a genius in his own right when it came to creating jutsu. He’d always been a creative sort of man prone to living in his own head. Outside of the few people he chose to associate with such as his brother and a few members of his family, he wasn’t exactly the type of man who enjoyed the company of others.

His own unstable upbringing in the midst of a generations’ long conflict had taught him that forming emotional bonds with others was usually a wasted effort because chances were they would die relatively soon. The life of a shinobi was a perilous one at best with death as their ever present comrade waiting to sweep in from the wings and claim their lives.

But these days, life was a little more settled. Peace had been reached between Senju and Uchiha and together his brother and Madara had set out to build the village they’d dreamed about as children. Tobirama did what he could to support his brother’s dream because he genuinely did want to see it come to fruition.

Madara of course was continuously contentious about his presence which in a way, the albino ninja could understand. He harbored his fair share of anger towards the Uchiha for all of the Senju blood they’d spilled and the idea of being forced to work with the man who’d killed his last blood relative would have been unconscionable to him as well.

Izuna’s death hung between them like some impassable chasm but the sad truth of the matter was…things were even more complicated than Madara or even Hashirama suspected. He’d never meant to kill the Uchiha on that fateful day. Wound him, yes so that he would be forced to retire from the field of battle and perhaps force him out of the conflict for a few weeks. Tobirama hated crossing swords with Izuna because each time they fought, he knew there was the risk that this time, one of them would slip or one of them wouldn’t be fast enough.

That day, he’d been faster than Izuna and according to Madara, it had taken him the better part of a week to die. The Uchiha spared no details telling the Senju how his last surviving brother had slowly drowned on his own blood from the wound Tobirama had given him and inwardly, he’d felt as though he were bleeding on the inside as well. Because Izuna had gone to his death with a secret and it was one Tobirama would keep himself till he too met his final end. A secret so shameful he couldn't bare the idea of anyone knowing it.

A secret which could very well destroy him if it ever came to light, one which made his current course of action absolutely idiotic and he knew it. Yet he couldn’t stop himself.

In the last years of the conflict between Uchiha and Senju, Tobirama had found himself fraternizing with his mortal enemy. What had initially started as a violent rivalry had turned into something more until he’d finally found himself doing the very last thing he should do.

He fell in love with the enemy.

And then he’d killed his lover on accident and had to live with the consequences. But he’d never been very good at just accepting things as they were. Tobirama was the type of man who if he found a problem he couldn’t surmount, he would keep trying until he’d found a way of either working around it or under it but no matter what, he rarely just accepted things as they were. His clever intellect which often was the bane of his existence came into play here.

He’d first gotten the idea for this particular jutsu when he’d been just a callow young boy shortly after Itama’s death. The constant loss of his kin had made Tobirama question the very foundations of life and death and how exactly he could bypass that problem as well. It had been more of an intellectual exercise more than anything else and he’d never dreamed as a young boy that he might someday figure out a way to bypass death itself and summon the dead back to life.

But he’d gotten older and more clever in his jutsu as the years went by but even he’d been stymied for the longest time about how to complete the jutsu and had put it away once more. Izuna’s death had inspired him to go back to his old notes and rebuild things nearly from the ground up once more. Even working obsessively on the resurrection technique, it took him years to perfect things and dozens of failed attempts. No one else had ever succeeded in what he was attempting a part of him knew deep down that there was a reason for this.

That this particular jutsu in the wrong hands could be devastating. If he’d had any sense, he might have abandoned his work but the need to see Izuna again, to hear him speak and yes...a part of him wanted to return what he’d stolen from Madara…all of that spurred him onwards. One of the first things Tobirama had done once the groundwork for Konoha was complete was carve out a place for himself deep inside what would eventually become the monument mountain. He needed privacy to conduct his experiments and quite frankly, the things he dabbled in wasn’t for public consumption. A simple hiraishin sigil made it so only he could gain access to the laboratory hidden deep inside of the mountain and a large part of his free time was spent there.

He knew Hashirama worried about him but his brother was well-used to Tobirama’s sometimes obsessive fixation on creating the jutsus that swirled around in his mind and simply let it go without comment save for the occasional reminder he needed to sleep and eat more. How could Tobirama do that when he was so close?!
The DNA he’d needed to complete the jutsu had been surprisingly easy to come across thanks to his own sentimentality that had him holding onto the blankets they’d most often used for their illicit trysts. He’d found plenty of long black strands of hair among the folded up bedding he’d kept locked away deep at the bottom of a trunk but Tobirama hadn’t wanted to risk squandering it so he’d stuck to using other people until he’d perfected the summons.

Now he used a few of those precious strands of hair as a marker for the jutsu and poured his chakra into the freshly drawn ink on the stone floor.

The day he’d finally cracked the final solution on how to bind the souls of the resurrected to corporeal form, he’d very nearly broken down right then and there because the price to be paid…the sacrifice necessary was terrible and beyond the pale. But he’d always been good about selectively ignoring his own particular moral compass if the situation called for it and finally…Tobirama chalked up the price to be paid in the life of an enemy-nin to be a necessary one.

After all, the man had been an enemy of Konoha and would have done his best to harm the very thing Tobirama was trying to protect.

He’d been taking lives since the age of five so in the end…it hadn’t been very hard to sentence the enemy ninja to death but Tobirama had to admit…he hadn’t been prepared for the screams of terror and pain that had escaped his unwitting victim. But he also could not let empathy stop him when he was so close to attaining his goals so he’d continued on with the experiment heedless of the sounds coming from a man slowly suffocated in the façade necessary to bind the spirit’s soul to. Finally, blessed silence fell about the laboratory once more and Tobirama stepped back a few steps as the jutsu finished wrapping around the now still body of the Cloud ninja. Already, the darkness of his skin was being replaced by a more familiar pale, milky hue and the hair grew out long and black in those familiar spiky strands of inky darkness he knew so intimately. Soon enough, the Cloud-nin’s rough-hewn and craggy face was replaced by the dark more delicate and handsome features of his dead lover’s and Tobirama felt something tighten around his heart.

The albino ninja had dreamt about this moment for years and finally, it looked as though it was going to come to fruition. How had he forgotten about the delicate arch of those dark eyebrows and ridiculous length of those lashes? He’d thought he had a firm mental picture of what Izuna looked like trapped forever in his mind’s eye but the years had dulled the details after a while and now he was remembering all the tiny things he’d found so pleasing in his lover’s form.

With his heart seemingly caught in a painful vice grip, Tobirama forced himself to stand there still and straight and wait the seemingly interminable eternity to discover if his jutsu was going to function as it should.

Comments

[curseofhatred]

Arms. Arms around him, and Izuna couldn't help but tense up, worried between his own reactions and what Tobirama might do. Instead, he just held him and Izuna let him, didn't fight him anymore, just let him touch him as he used to back in the days when they were still happy. Or something close to happy because sometimes it was so difficult to be happy when the world they lived in forced them to fight to the death every day.

And this was the result of all that, wasn't it? Death and obsession, loss and decay. This was what the war had brought to their feet, laying it there, bloody and broken. This was what they had gained.

How much easier would it have been if they had never fallen in love in the first place?

But it felt good to be held. He had forgotten...forgotten what affection was, togetherness, to be taken care of not because he was dying, but because he was loved. He had forgotten how good being loved was when hate had drowned him instead. Fingertips slid along the metal of the armor, slowly looking at nicks and scratches before he traced a little fan against it, as if he could burn it into the chestplate.

"I don't want to stay here," he murmured quietly. "I want to feel the sun and smell the breeze. I want to remember what it's like being alive." But he wasn't alive, was he? He was some reanimated fake, some pretend thing. He sighed, feeling that the breath so useless, pointless, before he closed his eyes.

He could use genjutsu..convince him...

His brother... He almost laughed. Madara...Madara wouldn't take well to this. "Madara will hate you for this," he whispered softly. "He is going to think you're mocking him with me, that you're desecrating me. He might try to destroy us both."

But...but he needed to see Madara. He needed to see him and make sure he was okay, alive, happy. That's all he ever wanted for his brother. He pushed off the armor a little so he could look him in the other's face. "Would you leave two Uchihas alone with you? Don't you want to bring your brother so the sides are even at least?"

Does Hashirama know what you've done?

[tobirama]

He’d never wanted to fall in love much less fall in love with the enemy. Tobirama had wrested with his own sense of guilt and shame for falling for an Uchiha throughout the course of their relationship. Their relationship had been fraught with hardships and plenty of disagreements. It hadn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination because loving an Uchiha was never an easy thing.
But despite the disagreements and sometimes months long strained silence between them, it had worked in its own way. It was only after Izuna had died that Tobirama came to realize just how deeply his feelings for the Uchiha ran.

He wasn’t a man given to fits of emotional sentimentality or letting his heart rule his mind but he’d felt the loss of Izuna more keenly than he’d ever thought possible. It had become the driving factor in his obsession with completing this technique. Tobirama was surprised at how Izuna seemed to just relax into the embrace but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. That shaggy head of white hair bowed over the Uchiha’s and he simply let himself enjoy the brief respite in Izuna’s vitriol. He simply enjoyed the familiar weight of that slim and youthful form resting against his.

The lack of body heat was strange and only served as a constant reminder that though this facsimile held the spirit of the dead man’s mind and personality, it was in the end just a facsimile. It wasn’t a creature of flesh and blood and was not alive by any measure of the word.

Tobirama stubbornly refused to answer that request and a part of him resented the fact that Izuna asked it of him knowing there was no way he would risk him getting free. The Uchiha accused him of holding him prisoner and perhaps he wasn’t so far off the mark after all.

“Your brother has changed….your death changed him. I don’t know how he will react to seeing you brought back to life.” Tobirama admitted, all but uttering the words against the top of Izuna’s skull.

When the dark-haired man pulled back slightly, Tobirama let him go without protest. “You don’t understand, Senju and Uchiha are no longer enemies. This doesn’t have to be some battle or conflict where we have to pick or choose sides.”

Of course Hashirama didn’t know what he’d been up to. If he had, he’d no doubt have put a stop to this madness long ago.

[curseofhatred]

"My death changed a lot of people, it seems."

Or rather, not many, but ones that counted, ones that mattered. Tobirama wasn't the same person he was when Izuna was alive, not if he was bending the very walls of nature to his own whims, and his brother was apparently different as well. Though, if there was a truce and a village, could that change be for the better?

But judging from the way Tobirama spoke, he didn't think so. And he knew Madara better than anyone else; he would have taken Izuna's final words, his dying request at not trusting the Senju, at revenge to the fullest extent he could. Maybe he was as twisted as Izuna was now. Maybe they were a family in all ways.

No. Madara wouldn't take it - this - well. He knew that already. He would yell about puppets, about making a mockery of Izuna, of trying to trap him or manipulate him or a whole host of things that could go on forever. It was part of the reason he never told his sibling of their illicit affair, knowing that Madara wouldn't understand, and the shame it would bring down on the family, on himself. This? This would be worse.

Looking across at those red eyes, he snorted, laughing under his breath. "You don't understand, Tobirama: once Madara sees me, there will be a battle. Can you say he would see this as anything other than abomination? As an insult? He would try to kill me himself to keep me away from the man who killed me and made me into his puppet."

There was a moment of silence, before he muttered and looked away. "If I had brought back your brother after killing him, wouldn't you rather kill us both than let him stay with me, his murderer? Would you think I had any good intentions at all?"

[tobirama]

Izuna’s comment had another frown tugging the corners of Tobirama’s mouth downwards. That subtle rebuke scored deeper than the Uchiha realized because he was all too aware of just how far he'd stepped into extremely suspect moral ground in order to accomplish his goals.

If Izuna knew the true price paid for his resurrection, Tobirama had little doubt he'd use that as a weapon against him as well. And he couldn't blame him because it wasn't as though Tobirama had any aspirations about the morality of his actions.

He had deemed Izuna’s un-life more important than the life of an enemy ninja. Not that he generally held the lives of his enemies to be all that valuable to begin with. Tobirama knew he was consistently more ruthless and cold in comparison to his brother. But that was because Hashirama could afford the luxury of optimism while Tobirama had to be the one who made sure his brother didn’t end up with a kunai in the back.

It had been like that their entire lives with Tobirama ensuring Hashirama kept his feet firmly planted on the ground and that the infernally optimistic and trusting outlook he espoused didn't end with him dead in a ditch somewhere courtesy of some 'ally'

"So what then? I shouldn't tell Madara? It sounds as though you want me to release the jutsu. If you truly see yourself as an abomination or a puppet then I will dispel it." The albino ninja finally said, voice harsh and cutting. The softness that had radiated from him the past few minutes fled, leaving behind a sharpness to that thin face and a hardness to those red eyes. This was more similar to the Tobirama he was used to seeing across the battlefield.

"You would never succeed in killing my brother so that's a pointless question to begin with. And I'm certainly not going to try and understand your clan's emotional insanity or skewed logic." He was lashing out now in that brittle. bitingly petty manner that Izuna knew all too well.

[curseofhatred]

The look on Izuna’s face was withering, annoyed, one Tobirama knew all too well. Fights? They got into fights all the time when he was alive, cold and revolving and sometimes attention seeking, sometimes frustrated by the cruelty of war. There were days when Izuna would come to him all teeth and fight and wanting nothing more than just to feel something, anything to be reminded what living and heartache was like. Tobirama’s motivations for such verbal entanglements seemed a mystery to him; he hadn’t thought to even assume what they could be.

But now, something told him that he already knew.

“I didn’t say that!” he snapped back, slapping at the armor lightly, annoyed. “I’m simply reminding you that my brother might not react the way you think he might. I already told you that I didn’t want you to release it; are you going to do it anyway? When I finally show a desire to live, are you going to betray me once again?”

Low blow. Horribly low blow, but he couldn’t help it; it almost sounded as if Tobirama was giving him an ultimatum, even if he knew that he wasn’t. Anger was getting the better of him, and while he wanted to pull away, wanted to move and get to his own feet, he refused. Let Tobirama shove him off. Let him become cold and cruel.

Izuna could be just as bad.

Strange eyes blinked, before he growled and shoved his hands against the armor. Really? Did he just say that?

“Anyone can die, Senju bastard. Sometimes, it’s who we let in closest to us that kills us,” he growled, narrowing his gaze. “Even if I couldn’t, my brother could. And that’s not even the point I was making! You’re so damn stubborn, you can’t see anything else from someone else’s eyes! Red eyes, and they aren’t even good for anything!”

He sighed and shook his head, dark hair swaying. When he spoke, it was a shameful mutter, something sulky, angry that he dared to utter it at all. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew, but it was free anyway. “I don’t want you to die. That is all.”

[tobirama]

They had fought like cats and dogs nearly as often as they’d gotten along. Perhaps it was to be expected when two people who should be mortal enemies found themselves entangled in an emotional affair such as the one they’d had.

A Senju and an Uchiha being lovers was unheard of as far as he knew but Tobirama had never been so arrogant as to think the predicament he and Izuna had faced was unique. But just as they’d been obligated to keep their relationship a secret, so too had anyone else who’d ever found themselves in their shoes.

But things were different now, weren’t they? Senju and Uchiha had found a way of putting aside their differences and living together in peace if not in perfect harmony. Tobirama knew of at least four or five couples from both clans who had even embarked on the shaky first steps of romance together. Perhaps one day soon the clans would be united in marriage as well as in peace.

Tobirama tried to not begrudge his clansmen and clanswomen their happiness but it left an embittered taste in his mouth because he and Izuna had never been granted that same opportunity. Their courting had been in secret and shrouded in shameful silence.

“Live? As what? Some monster or abomination as you put it?” That low-blow was low as could be and physically had the Senju recoiling ever so slightly. Hurt could be seen flashing through his curiously red eyes before they hardened once more. Tobirama could sense how things were wheeling out of control and he could all but dictate the path they were currently on. They would snap and snarl at one another and hurl around words meant to hurt and wound. This discordant path was a well-worn one and one he was utterly sick of. The last thing he wanted to do was waste even a seconds worth of time with Izuna butting heads and verbally flaying each other.

But Izuna’s words got under his skin just like they always did and he found himself reacting to them despite his better judgment. “That’s ironic coming from the man who was just trying to strangle me less than ten minutes ago.” Now who was pulling out the low-blows?

The Senju looked away as well, that pale face set in grim and stark lines. “What do you want me to do, Izuna? You claim you want to see your brother but you then turn around and say he’s just going to try and destroy you and kill me. That’s not exactly encouraging me to bring him here.”

[curseofhatred]

The words were bombs being thrown and dropped, and Izuna could only dodge so many before he was worn out once more. Eyes widened, staring, unsure if he was angrier at the "abomination" being thrown back him or the reminder of what he had almost done. His hands could still feel that throat beneath his fingers, could still remember the shocked realization that Tobirama wasn't going to stop him.

He could have killed him. He should have.

"You didn't try to stop me," he whispered, but it wasn't that. Ultimately, Izuna hadn't. He hadn't gone through with it, hadn't exacted his revenge, and what a fool he was for letting go. His clan, his brothers, his father would hate him for it, call him weak for letting his heart break over the man who murdered him. And maybe he was, maybe that's all he was: a weakened fool.

And this weakened fool didn't know what to do.

Izuna had no answers for the questions Tobirama was asking him. Yes, originally the young Uchiha had said that, but then he thought harder on it, on what was happening and what still could. It wasn't going to end well, and certainly not with his brother taking him out of there, he was almost sure. The one ally he should have had seemed farther away than he could have imagined.

Slowly, he untangled himself from the other man, climbing to his feet as he started to stand. "I don't know," he muttered, and the confusion, frustration, loneliness was thick in his voice. The world had moved on without him, gone and created a new place, and his brother...brother should have been happy if this was the ideal he wanted. But he wasn't.

What if seeing his dead little brother only made things worse?

Fingers threaded through his hair, and he tugged on it, hard. "I don't know what to do; I don't know what I want! Everything is just happening so fast! Can't you see that?! Can't you understand that?" Going from alive to dead, dead to alive, to this, to all these things, and--and where did he even fit? What was he supposed to do?!

"You selfish bastard; you've had time to think up answers, to plot, to plan. I haven't had that sort of luxury." He sighed, his shoulders sagging. "I need time."

[tobirama]

The entire point of those pitiless words had been to hurt and wound. Izuna had scored his pride and so Tobirama had lashed out at him in turn. He knew reminding the Uchiha of his failed attempt at murder was just plain mean and a disgusting low blow but his throat was still aching and already a string of bruises were starting to appear like a macabre necklace around his throat from where Izuna’s thin fingers had very nearly squeezed the life out of him.

“I told you why I didn’t try and stop you. I know the wrong I did you and if you need to exact your vengeance then so be it, I won’t stop you.” Uchiha and their damned need for vengeance and emotional insanity! It was something Tobirama would never understand but he’d resigned himself to the very real risk of meeting his death at the hands of his former lover when he’d let Izuna gain a chokehold on his throat.

He made no move to stop the dark-haired ninja as he climbed shakily to his feet. The heartache and pain he heard in the Uchiha’s voice cut through the ice he’d wrapped around his heart and Tobirama felt his own heart ache in sympathy. Contrary to what many thought, he wasn’t a man who was incapable of feeling or even empathizing with other people’s hurt.

Seeing the distress his resurrected lover was going through upset him on many levels but Tobirama knew one of them had to at least attempt to keep a level head in this situation and Izuna certainly wasn’t capable of such a thing. He climbed to his feet as well mainly because the having an unstable Uchiha looming over him was setting his paranoia on edge.

“Of course I can see that, Izuna. I’m not unsympathetic to what you’re going through right now. I know it’s a lot to take in and I’m trying to ease the transition as best I can.” His hands ached to reach out and touch once more, to offer comfort and succor to the visibly upset man.

“If that’s what you need then you will have it.” He finally said somewhat stiffly and discomfited. In contrast to Izuna’s sagging, almost defeated body language, Tobirama stood there stock still and as tense as a too tightly drawn bow.

[curseofhatred]

And that for all their similarities, their history and life, they were still fundamentally different. Izuna felt too strongly and it threatened to rip the control from him, while Tobirama was the epitome of self-restraint. Even now, with the way they stood, with the sounds of their voices and the weight of their words, it was obvious.

Part of Izuna wanted to go back to him, to let him hold him again and him that he didn't want to fight, this wasn't the time to fight, that couldn't the dumb idiot just shut up for once and let him feel what he wanted to, regardless of known dangers? But he didn't, because as on guard as Tobirama was, so, too, was Izuna. How couldn't he be, considering what had happened between them, what lead them to this moment?

Especially with the release that Tobirama had both offered and threatened.?

Because as beautifully calm and freeing as the Pure Land had been, being here now, knowing his brother and lover were here, it was invigorating. This new fire inside of him reminded him of what it was to be alive, and it was so difficult to give it up, even if he was nothing more than a fake, a simulation. When one was dead, it was easy to forget the drive of being a breathing thing.

Looking over his shoulder, he finally turned around to face him. The off-putting eyes stared at him, unsure what he should say, should do, how he should-- It was tough overthinking when all his emotions pulled him one way or the other. Violence or love, and how braided together they were, coming together as one thing, one dynamic. Izuna's footfalls were silent as he closed the distance, leaning up a little to press his lips to the corner of the other's mouth. When he spoke, it was soft and quiet against his skin.

"Leave me alone. Give me time to think." He pressed his hands onto the armor, pushing him back, the master of mixed signals, before he started to walk away and find a seat. Time. Time to think and distract himself with some of these scrolls and just analyze his situation for the best course of action. Give in to Tobirama, who could kill him again without effort? Try to find a way out? Go to Madara? What was there left for him?

He didn't even know anymore.

[tobirama]

Tobirama met those eerie eyes with their black sclera and hellishly bright activated Sharingan evenly. Considering how many times in the past Izuna had placed him under a genjutsu perhaps it was foolishness on his part but when they’d started this ridiculous relationship of theirs, he’d made a point of showing he trusted the other man by meeting his gaze heedless of the dangers as a sign of trust.

Perhaps now was not the time to offer that trust so readily but Tobirama didn’t know how else to prove to his former lover that his feelings for him had not changed. He’d told Izuna he loved him but he’d never been a man who was skilled with words and had always preferred to let his actions speak for him.

The light press of Izuna’s mouth against his was strange thanks to the eerie tepid quality of his simulated flesh. The Edo Tensei form lacked body heat but neither was it cold. Instead it sort of retained the ambient temperature of the room itself. Still, despite the vaguely unnerving feel and texture of those papery lips pressing against his skin, Tobirama still wanted to tilt his head ever so slightly to complete the kiss. But he was a master at ignoring his own wants and needs so he allowed himself to be pushed back without protest.

“As you wish,” the words came out cool and stiff sounding. But Tobirama did as Izuna had bid and gathered the chakra necessary to complete his hiraishin. The younger Senju brother had cleared out almost a week to finish finalizing his jutsu so when he showed up at the Hokage tower after only four days, the various ninja working there were understandably surprised. But Tobirama’s sudden appearance was quickly forgotten because there were far more important matters to attend to.

Almost as soon as he’d appeared, Sarutobi Sasuke was flagging him down with a grim look on his face. And that was when he found out that everything he’d been working for was in vain.

Because while he’d been in his hidden laboratory working on the Edo Tensei jutsu, Uchiha Madara had walked away from the village and declared Konoha his enemy once more. Everyone was in a tizzy over it but Tobirama just felt…numb when Sasuke informed him of what had been happening in his absence. Outwardly he was calm as he sought out his brother who he knew would be devastated by this but inwardly he was anything but calm. Something screaming and raging at the unfairness of everything clawed around inside of him leaving him feeling hollowed out and bleeding.

Why!? After everything why had Madara chosen now to do this?! How could he face Izuna after promising to bring his brother to him? If Izuna knew what had happened, Tobirama knew in his heart of hearts that Izuna wouldn’t stop until he’d broken out and joined his brother on the battlefield.

Once more they would be separated by war and it was so fucking unfair he wanted to scream.

Tobirama just had to shove all of that down and keep it locked up tight because as he’d feared, Hashirama was a complete mess. His brother didn’t know what to do about his best friend’s defection. In typical Hashirama fashion, he tried to take all the blame on himself. What he could have done to convince Madara of his place in the village. What he could have done to make him stay.

Normally, he might have been able to handle Hashirama’s stupid friendship dramas with Madara but considering the man had just betrayed Konoha, Tobirama wasn’t feeling particularly charitable. It eventually ended in the two of them getting into a fight and Tobirama finally had to storm out of the Hokage tower lest he say something that would injure his relationship with his brother.

Deep down though he knew it wasn’t Hashirama he was angry with which was why Tobirama had to excuse himself before he lashed out at the wrong person. He knew what he had to do now though. Izuna could not be allowed to get free of the lab. If he knew his brother had turned his back on Konoha then he would immediately go to Madara’s side and the Edo Tensei form was simply too strong to fall into enemy hands. It would be giving Madara a devastating tool to use against the village.

He had to send Izuna back. He had to dispel the Edo Tensei jutsu.

It was tempting to just do it now so he didn’t have to face Izuna. But the Uchiha would just view that as yet another ultimate betrayal, wouldn’t he? And hadn’t Tobirama made a silent promise to be forthright with the other man from here on out? So as tempting as it would be to just dispel the jutsu outright, he knew in his heart of hearts he had to tell Izuna why he had to send him back to the Pure Land.

It would be hours before he returned to the secret lab deep inside the heart of the Hokage mountain. He looked grimmer than Izuna had ever seen him before as he steeled himself for what he had to do.

[curseofhatred]

The time alone had done Izuna well. Moments to think, to put things in order, to simply relax while the world ticked past him had calmed the angry riot that often settled inside him. There was no one to fight with, no bickering, no anger. Alone, he could let his desires have a voice.

If his brother was in a better place, then he, too, could be in one. It was Madara who he would always follow, his will, his whim, and sometimes he had to remind his brother of that direction, but ultimately Izuna would support his way. If peace was that way, then peace would be his way as well.

And maybe, if peace was in his heart, he would be able to look past the visage that Izuna had. Maybe he could see him as he was and not as how he is. Maybe this jutsu would be okay. Maybe it was the second chance they deserved.

Maybe Tobirama hadn’t been lying about what happened being an accident.

When the Senju was gone, Izuna had stripped down and looked for the scar from that fatal wound, but found none. Sure, there were others, old ones, old water-bullet dips in his skin, a burn, a kunai star, but there wasn’t the one that killed him. Curiosity fueling him, he examined his skin, felt it, blew fire at it, watched it replace itself. The pain was miniscule, less agonizing than anything had a right to be, and it was all utterly fascinating.

Izuna poured over whatever scrolls he could find in the work space, trying to fill in the blanks of missing years, trying to see what Tobirama had been up to. The Senju was smart, too smart, and it was one of the things that attracted Izuna to him to start with. The words and ideas written here, they were little doorways into that intelligence, a marvel, and he started to soak it up with all the abandon of a starving man.

It wasn’t just the answers, but it made him feel close to the lover he had lost as well.

It was beautiful. His eyes didn’t get weary from reading, he didn’t need to stop to sleep, to eat, to drink. He could learn everything this world had to over, and nothing could hinder him. The world was finally open to him. He was drunk on his lack of limitations, of wonder. Everyone should be so lucky to feel this.

The sound of someone arriving made him look up from whatever he had been reading at the time, scroll laid out across his lap. Tobirama had been gone for hours, but it hadn’t felt like that; it felt faster when one lost themselves in knowledge, in learning. Lips curled in a little smile as he set things aside and stood up.

“I figured out what I want to do,” he stated, more confident than he had been this entire time. “If my brother has found home and peace in a place like this, then he should be able to accept me as I am. The burdens of war…maybe once they’re gone, we can all be different. Better. I—“

His words trailed off, one eyebrow arching curiously at the albino’s expression. That look didn’t come unless something was wrong, something…

“What happened?” he asked quietly, slowly, lightly, going over to him.

[tobirama]

The strangely light-hearted sight of Izuna sitting there looking so content and happy was like a dagger directly to the heart. What Tobirama wouldn’t pay to see his lover look this content all the time? To know this level of peace forever and to be happy like this eternally.

But that wasn’t to be, the universe just wasn’t that fair and now that they’d had happiness dangled in front of them yet again here fate was yanking it back. It was enough to break even Tobirama’s legendary self-control and make him cry or rage against the unfairness of the universe.

Dull red eyes watched Izuna as that small smile faded away. When the Uchiha approached, Tobirama suddenly stepped into his personal space and dragged him into a hug. He just wanted one more hug, one last bit of intimacy between them before he had to ruin this with the truth. Logically, Tobirama knew his actions were wildly out of character for him and would probably just end up unnerving Izuna more but he didn’t care.

He just selfishly wanted to hold onto Izuna and onto this for a few moments longer. “I love you so much. I just want you remember that. I should have told you years ago and I’m so sorry I didn’t. There are so many things I wish I could change about the past.” He wished they’d never crossed swords that day…that he’d perfected his jutsu better. He had so many regrets when it came to this man.

“I’ve missed you so much. Not a day has gone by when you haven’t been in my thoughts constantly. I’ll go to my grave missing you and regretting what I did to you.” Tobirama was apparently going to try and confess everything he felt in one confusing jumble because he felt the time running out between them even if Izuna didn’t. Soon enough he’d have to dispel this jutsu but he had so many things he wanted to say first. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the bare your soul type of man and had no idea how to even put his feelings into words so it just came out in a jumble with little pomp and circumstance. It was more like the tortured confession of a dying man then some heartfelt confession of love and devotion.

Emotion made his words rough and pained and he had to clench his eyes closed to stop the traitorous prickle of tears he felt burning and threatening to spill over.

[curseofhatred]

This was wrong. All of this was wrong. Tobirama dragging him into the hug, the tightened arms around him, those words. So many words, so many emotions tangled up in the syllables and none of them comforting in the truth. Had he ever told Izuna that much about him before? How he felt? What he wanted to say? Had he ever said—

You’re worrying me, he wanted to say, but it sounded weak in his head. Scared. And maybe he was because Tobirama never sounded like this, never confessed like this. It was talk of a dying man, someone taking their last breaths, walking to the gallows and knowing their fate. But they were fine, Tobirama wasn’t bleeding, wasn’t wounded, and Izuna couldn’t di—

Slowly, a low level of dread started to climb up his spine, wondering what was coming, fearing what could be. Tobirama could dispel this, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. There was no way he would kill Izuna twice, lay him to rest and send him off to the Pure Lands for a second time. Why would he? There was no reason, especially not if he loved him so much, felt even half of what he was confessing to him. They…were supposed to be happy now.

Maybe he was just saying all the things he had meant to say earlier, before their fight. Maybe this was to let go of the guilt. Of course. That made—

--absolutely no sense.

Izuna pulled back enough to look at him, but not enough to break the hold of the arms around him. His palm found the curve of the other’s cheek, his thumb rubbing over the skin near the top. Was it comforting? Probably not with his skin’s different texture, but he ignored that logic for a moment. He didn’t want to think of himself as different, but the same.

“Why are you telling me this?” he whispered. “Look at me, Tobirama. What happened?”

[tobirama]

All he wanted was this. To spend his life with this man who drove him to distraction yet evoked with him more emotion and caring than he’d ever thought himself capable of feeling. He loved Izuna more than he’d loved anyone but his own blood kin and that was the crux of the matter wasn’t it?

No matter how much they loved each other, they couldn’t escape their blood. Their family and this damned war which seemed to stretch out through the generations. A war which Madara had rekindled when he walked away from the village and everything he and Hashirama had built together.

A part of him just wanted to take Izuna and leave, to go to some place where they’d never heard of Uchiha or Senju. A place where they could finally know peace and the happiness denied them. But that was the coward’s way and just as he couldn’t dispel the Edo Tensei jutsu without telling Izuna why so too could he not just turn his back on his family and his responsibilities to the village.

Izuna’s tepid fingers felt strange against the scarred curve of his cheek. Those slightly papery feeling fingertips traced the arcing curve of the ridge of scar tissue a particularly sadistic Uchiha had left on his face as a permanent reminder of the hatred between their clans.

“I’m telling you this because I should have told you this and everything else a long time ago. And I swore I’d tell you if I was able to bring you back even if it was for only five minutes.” Tobirama leaned into that hand even as his own tightened further around Izuna. Desperate fingers curled into the simulated folds of his clothing and splayed across the dip of his waist. “I just need you to know that I love you and I will love you until the day I die.”

The tears he’d been fighting desperately to hold back spilled over then and it should have been a release but it just made it hurt all the more. He hadn’t cried in years and perhaps he was overdue for it but the unfairness of their situation was too much to bear. The grief that clawed away inside of him like some feral beast threatened to overwhelm him.

[curseofhatred]

Too much. The look on Tobirama’s face, the sound of his words, the feel of that face in the palm of his hand; it was too much. Izuna breathed out of habit rather than necessity, but it was quick, his brow furrowing as he watched the strongest structure of a person crumble from erosion in front of him. Tobirama was breaking.

No, worse.

Tobirama was crying.

Izuna felt it first on his fingers because he swore his eyes were deceiving him; the Senju didn’t cry. He probably hadn’t cried when Izuna died, and there was no reason to do so now. Had Hashirama been killed while he was in here? Was there something going on out there that he wasn’t telling Izuna? Had he come to tell him that he couldn’t ever leave this room?

Had he come to tell him something worse?

“Is...my brother okay?”

Burning his skin had barely hurt, but this was a new level of pain, something crueler, sharper, something no amount of resurrection and death could spare him. Fear was far more savage than any other emotion. His hand shook on the other’s face before he dispelled the dread and tightened his hold, enough to still be kind, but not hiding the worry any more. He couldn’t keep it from his eyes, anyway; he was open to the other, in ways that had both helped and hindered.

Watching Tobirama cry...it made him want to follow suit. When the strongest piece of the world breaks apart in front of you, what was left standing anymore?

“I love you, too.” He bit his bottom lip, whispering the words that spelled doom for them both. “You know that. You...have known that for awhile, haven’t you?”

He let his hand fall away, and he stood up on his tiptoes to catch one of tears with his lips. “Tell me what’s wrong before I go find out for myself.”

[tobirama]

Contrary to what Izuna thought, Tobirama had allowed himself to cry for the loss of his lover all those years ago. It had been hurried and in private as he’d snuck off while Hashirama and Madara attempted one of their futile peace talks. That had probably been the last time he’d shed a tear until now.

He knew he was probably scaring Izuna something fierce. After all, he was supposed to be the calm and collected one here, right? The man who didn’t let his emotions run free with him or color his thoughts. But even a man as emotionally strong as Senju Tobirama had his breaking point and he’d found it. Almost a decade worth of obsessive work and countless hours spent perfecting this jutsu had culminated in what? A few minutes with the man he loved? The promise of happiness dangled within their reach only for it to be snatched away because Madara threw a hissy fit and abandoned the village?!

And finally those words…the words he’d wanted to hear. Those miserable red eyes opened and it wasn’t a pretty sight, truth be told. Tobirama’s albinism worked against him yet again. The lack of melatonin in his skin meant the irritation was all the more stark and startling and combined with the irritated bloodshot look in his eyes…well, it wasn’t a pretty sight.

“Madara—“ He bit that name off sharply and brokenly. “He has turned his back on the village and declared war on Konoha.” Tobirama finally managed to get out even though it felt like he was trying to talk through a throat full of broken glass.

“I wanted to show you peace and he’s gone and decided to go to war yet again. I’m sorry, if I’d been able to complete the jutsu sooner maybe I could have stopped him.”

[curseofhatred]

Tobirama looked horrible when he opened his eyes, but his words were uglier, worse. Izuna was trapped, listening to them, listening to Tobirama take responsibility, but he wasn't hearing him anymore. Madara was gone. Madara declared war. Madara--

"But...I thought it was supposed to be different this time," he numbly whispered, not realizing his thoughts were out there, aloud, until his lips were already moving. And it was true, it was supposed to be different. They were supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be able to live together. They were supposed to have a chance.

"Why? Why did he do this? Did he say?"

How important were the "why"s, though? He knew what he needed to do, what loyalties he was supposed to have. His brother was important, his brother needed him, his brother had to have reasons, and it was his job to protect him, to follow him, wasn't it? His brother's dream had always been inherited by him.

Which meant he and Tobirama were enemies again. Once they left this room, they would be on opposing sides of a raging war, bringing their weapons to clash and spark while their families fell dead around them. The thing that killed him once was raging again, a monster neither could ignore.

But that would only be when they left this room, and suddenly the pieces were starting to fall into place, each horrifying word, each guilt-ridden tear, even the look on his face now. Tobirama didn't plan on letting him out of this room ever; why would he? Why would he risk letting something that couldn't die, couldn't be hurt or stopped, out of here to aid in his brother's machinations? There was too much at risk, the entirety of everything too fragile.

Tobirama was going to kill him again.

Izuna backed up one step, pressing back against the arms as he felt his eyes widen, filled with the pain of a second betrayal, something that cut to the core perhaps even worse than the first time. Hands found the other's chest and he tried to push him back, farther, tried to put space between them as he shook his head. He was tool He was a tool, and Tobirama would break this tool before Madara could use it.

And that's all he saw him as, wasn't it? Less than a person. If he had been truly alive and in this room, would Tobirama have stuck a kunai in him then, too? Killed him so he couldn't help his brother? What kind of man was he in love with?

Senju bastards. They sat and bemoaned the Uchiha way but look how cruel, how loveless they could be.

"No!" he hissed, not explaining him, thinking he didn't have to. "You can't. You can't just kill me again! I'm not a damn weapon you can break because it's easier for you! I'm a person! You can't bury me a second time!"

[tobirama]

Those plaintive words cut through him more effectively than any sword or blade ever had. It was an echo of the denial he wanted to shout to the heavens.

“I thought it was too. But when I got back they told me Madara had defected. He just took off on his own and turned his back on everything we’ve been building all these years.” If he’d been thinking clearer perhaps he might have explained things better. The rest of the Uchiha hadn’t sided with Madara. Even they were tired of the continual wars and wanted peace.

“He probably did it because the council chose Hashirama to be Hokage. I don’t know why he did it, Izuna. Hashirama was saying something about some other path but he wasn’t making a lot of sense. He’s too upset by this.” The albino ninja explained dully.

It was ironic really. Even though he knew that the Uchiha had remained loyal to Konoha, when it came to Izuna he knew even in his heart of hearts where the other man’s loyalties would lie. He would go to Madara and take up his banner again because he was his brother and his kin. If matters had been different and Hashirama had been the one to walk away from Konoha….would Tobirama had followed him or stayed behind? He’d like to think he’d have chosen the village and everything they’d worked so hard for but deep down he suspected he too would have chosen his brother over Konoha.

Some loyalties ran deeper than others and few could approach the loyalty both of them felt towards their brothers.

Tobirama could see the moment Izuna realized what he’d been dreading and he felt his heard break in the face of that betrayal that filled his lover’s face. In that moment, he would have welcomed death over facing this awful confrontation. Izuna crushing his windpipe before would have been preferable to this terrible moment when his lover realized he was going to betray him once more. But what other choice did he have?!

He didn’t need any explanations because Izuna was clever enough to read between the lines. But those angry words still had him flinching ever so slightly under the weight of those accusations.

“Do you think I want to do this?! Gods, Izuna I want nothing more than to be with you again and to know peace. But you’re going to go to Madara and you’re going to start up a war again because of him. And it’s a stupid war because your own damned clan doesn’t even want any part of it! It’s all Madara’s pride and vanity!”

[curseofhatred]

He...wasn't denying it. Tobirama wasn't denying it. He wasn't denying any of it, which means, yes, he was going to kill him again and that was that. His minutes were numbered, and then...nothingness. Nothingness that he didn't want to return to.

"All those words," he whispered, "were you just trying to lull me with all those sweet words?"

Izuna didn't bother to ask if they were true, and he wouldn't insult him by saying they weren't real; to Tobirama, they were. The albino wouldn't have cried if they weren't, wouldn't have shown his weakness to Izuna and let those tears drop down onto his enemy's fingers. He thought he loved him.

And Tobirama would kill what he loved. Why not? He had done it before.

"If I was a breathing person," he whispered, breaking away from him, backing up farther, farther, trying to put enough space so he wouldn't drive his own fist into that armor, "would you kill me, too? Would you drive another blade back into me?"

But he couldn't deny Tobirama's claims either, could he? He would go to his brother, because he loved him fiercely, enough to forsake the world, to take up his arms. He loved him enough to help bear the weight of his injustice, to fight for him, to die a million times over for him and not flinch. That was what a brother did. That was in their blood.

"Madara is the Uchiha clan," he whispered, not thinking, not caring. He was the head of the clan, and if none followed him, then they weren't Uchiha. They were just filthy defectors and didn't have any clan loyalty, any pride. The Senju could keep them.

Unless...

"Are you going to kill all the Uchiha that remain?" he hissed, feeling mildly protective amid the repulsion. "Are they a 'risk' like I am?" Anger began to take root, grow, that love inside of him darkening at the edges, making his tongue cruel, sharp.

"You're so quick to get rid of me, but maybe I could have talked to him. Maybe I could have convinced him. Maybe things could change if he sees me, but you're just quick to kill me! Is that what you want, Senju? Is this it!?"

[tobirama]

No, he wasn’t denying it because what was the point? Izuna knew his mind well enough to know where it would do. But the fact that Tobirama could have done it without even telling Izuna why or even giving him a chance to explain was telling in its own right wasn’t it?

“Of course not! I don’t want to do this, Izuna! How could you even think I’d want to do this? I had no idea Madara was going to turn on the village but I know you. You’ll go to him and you’ll make war on Konoha and everything we’ve worked so hard to build here.” He’d already killed Izuna once and that guilt had haunted him every day since. Tobirama didn’t know if he was strong enough to say goodbye to his lover again. Even if it was just a simulation, a fake facsimile of life it still looked and acted like Izuna.

“No, I wouldn’t. You as a living breathing person is less of a threat then you in your current state.” All the things he’d deliberately built into the jutsu for Izuna’s benefit could now be turned against them. The invulnerability, the near limitless chakra stores not to mention the inability to be killed had all been his attempts at making things up to Izuna. And now it was going to bite them all in the ass.

“Madara is one man! And he’s turned his entire back on your clan as well as the village he helped build. Just stay here in Konoha.” Stay with him, it went unstated between them. “We’ll figure something out.” And then he wouldn’t have to dispel the jutsu. If Izuna stayed in Konoha, then he wasn’t a threat, right?

Tobirama physically recoiled from Izuna’s question because it had never even crossed his mind. “Of course not! Uchiha and Senju stand together now, don’t you get it? There is no more need for killing, that’s what your brother can’t get through his damned skull. Even his own clan has tired of his warmongering.”

Izuna’s words cut like blades and left him bleeding on the inside but Tobirama struggled to keep the tenuous edges of his self-control woven together. He was just as upset as Izuna and didn’t trust himself to keep a calm and level head in this matter. “Stop saying that! I don’t want to kill you, Izuna. But Madara has gone off the deep end. He was telling Hashirama about some crazy path and some stupid stone and I—I don’t even know what he was saying. It made no sense. But you can’t ask me to just let you leave and go to Madara.” He couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk Madara finding some way of turning Izuna around to his twisted thinking and turning him into a terrible tool to be used against Konoha.

[curseofhatred]

The amount of information coming at him was like getting slapped with a million hands: Madara left the clan, a path, a stone, the rest of the Uchiha didn't want part in the war, stay here. Just stay here. Stay here, with him.

You're asking me to choose.

In a way, it was the cruelest of ultimatums: choose to betray his brother and live in this lab forever with the person he loved, or deny him and be killed again. He was a hostage, and Tobirama was pleading with him to pick the right side. But what was the correct one? How could he betray Madara?

And yet, how could he spend eternity in here? Would he ever see the light of day? Feel the cool winds of autumn on his face? Would he know how spring felt beneath his bare feet? Would he know the unconditional love of his brother again once he realized that Izuna had turned traitor?

Could Tobirama do that to Hashirama?

"I can't ask you to let me go," he murmured, "but you can ask me to betray my brother and leave him for you?"

For once, the anger wasn't there, just confusion, just weariness even if he wasn't tired, couldn't be tired any more. Turning, he walked away from him, eyes on the ground, unsure, unwilling to process this; it was a lot. Too much. He needed to figure out his plan, figure out what to do.

Dying didn't help Madara, though it could bring down Tobirama slightly. Morale would suffer, but Tobirama wouldn't fight Madara; Hashirama would. They always did, they always would, fate swore it. All it might do would be to distract him. He could try to kill Tobirama, but he would dispel the jutsu first, or Izuna could die with it anyway. (Though, in truth, he wasn't sure he had it in him to kill Tobirama to start with.)

If he could get out of here and to his brother, Tobirama might kill him anyway, but if he could get to Madara in time, if he could show him that he still lived, then his brother could try to extract the knowledge from Tobirama to bring back Izuna even if the Senju released it. It could put his lover in danger, though, but he could stop his brother from doing anything if he brought him back in time.

But if Madara had turned his back on the clan, the village, could Madara really help his brother then?

Yet, his clan wouldn't have done anything for him. His clan wouldn't lift a finger for him. The only one who would do anything, who would try to protect him, would be Madara. Even now, Tobirama didn't trust him enough to let him leave this room, and spoke of ultimatums. Who was his real ally anymore?

Simple: he didn't have one. So he had to go to the only one he knew he could have.

He paced for a moment before walking back to his lover, opening his mouth as if he could start yelling at any moment, a typical Izuna expression. But immediately his lips screwed up tight, as he funneled his chakra into his eyes and started casting the genjutsu before he could even get a word out.

"Forgive me, but I won't be your hostage or your dirty secret that you need to clean up after any longer."

[tobirama]

Tobirama knew he was doing a piss poor job of trying to convince Izuna not to go. His own emotions were clouding his judgment and robbing him of his usual calm ability to succinctly make his point. It was a lot harder to debate the point when it involved someone he genuinely loved and was afraid for.

He didn’t want to have to dispel the jutsu. He wanted Izuna to choose to stay in Konoha so that they could start to build a life together perhaps. One that they’d been denied by fate once before.

“I’m not asking you to betray Madara. Just stay out of the conflict. Don’t take up arms against Konoha and make us enemies again.” The albino ninja said with a note of desperation in his tone now.

“You know Hashirama, he’s not going to want to fight your brother if he can avoid it. And maybe if Madara knows you’re alive again maybe he can be talked around, I don’t know. But if you leave here and race off to join Madara then everything is going to escalate further. So please, just stay here, Izuna.”

He probably should have been expecting Izuna to turn those awful eyes on him once again. Once upon a time, they’d had an unwritten agreement between them that Izuna wouldn’t try and place him under any more genjutsu. But Izuna wasn’t interested in that unspoken agreement anymore and the Senju found himself caught in the net of that illusion.

It was sloppy…so, so sloppy on his part. But it was obvious Tobirama wasn’t at his best right now.

[curseofhatred]

"I'm sorry."

And maybe he was. Maybe he was truly sorry from the bottom of his heart because things had to go this way, because he couldn't do the things that Tobirama wanted him to do. Be a willing prisoner, a hostage, not defend his brother...how could he do that? How could he be expected to do any of it? His heart hurt in his chest just thinking about it, and having to choose couldn't save everyone.

Because if it was Tobirama against any one else, he would have won. Izuna could have stayed, could have been happy here, waiting for the day to go outside. Could have looked beyond his new odd appearance. Could have loved him in the way they both deserved.

But just as Tobirama had betrayed him, Izuna would do the same.

The room was gone, lost in the smoke of a dusk battlefield. The sound of conflict was loud, distant, but close enough to be an immediate concern in the little clearing where Tobirama now stood, alone. People were screaming, loud, echoing, deathyells as they fell to the ground and were still. Fire could be smelled through the line of trees, burning the ground out while steel clashed like haunting, hateful musical notes.

It was old, familiar, the thing they were both made from, a war that never stopped crafting and molding. There was a rustling in the brush and trees to the left, something that could have been an enemy or an escaping animal; it was hard to say when adrenaline was high and the air cloudy. But the sound of the voice was familiar as Izuna emerged, the pull back on his weapon to strike stalled as he saw the Senju's face.

"Tobirama?" he asked, red eyes surprised, body foolishly relaxing. "I didn't think--"

But the words were cut short as the wet thunk of a wild kunai caught the young Uchiha in the back. The shock that passed over his face was frozen in the moment, and he slowly started to pitch forward, towards his lover, his own sword clattering to the ground from loose fingers. He coughed, once, flecks of blood slipping over his lips, more pouring the corner of his mouth. Already, the back of his clothes were tacky, wet, warm and spreading.

It looked so similar to that day, but he couldn't help it. There was no Madara to catch him, no Hashirama to try peace, no bloodsoaked guilty hand from Tobirama. This was the way they were supposed to die, not by each other but by the system. And Izuna only hoped Tobirama had enough wits about him to teleport them out of there...

...a technique Izuna hoped he would dreamily use in real life, too.

[tobirama]

Izuna’s recollection of that particular battle was spot on and vivid as was Tobirama’s. He remembered everything about that damned battle and his memories weaved in with the Uchiha’s seamlessly to help craft the illusion.

The screams of pain from the wounded and dying, that distinctive smell of charred flesh and vegetation lingered in his nostrils unpleasantly. He’d found himself on the wrong side of the river and behind Uchiha lines thanks to his own skirmish having lasted longer than he’d intended.

That day, Izuna had found him there in the underbrush but the presence of his kinsmen at his back had forced him to go on the attack rather than offering a quick and hurried greeting for his lover. It had caught him by surprise all the same when Izuna had come charging out of the underbrush with his sword drawn.

In the illusion however, there was no other Uchiha forcing the other man’s hand and when the familiar presence of Izuna came into view, he loosened his grip on his own sword and lowered it as well.

“I got caught—“ Which was about the time he saw the metallic streak of that kunai fly directly at Izuna’s back. It happened so fast that even with is legendary speed, the Senju had no chance to react before it was buried deeply in the Uchiha’s back. Horror filled the albino ninja’s expression and he leaped forward into action. His own sword dropped to the ground beside him as he caught the stumbling Uchiha’s body and wrapped strong arms around him.

“Izuna! Gods, hang on.” This was war, the chance one of them could be felled by an enemy blade or even at the hands of their individual families was a risk both men were all too aware of. But Tobirama wasn’t just going to let him die either. Not if he could help it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as though he could just teleport Izuna back to the Senju healer’s tent. No one knew about their affair and if he took Izuna back to the Senju camp, even if he didn’t die he’d end up a prisoner of war.

So instead he gathered the wounded Uchiha close and concentrated on one particular marker. His ability to teleport had been why Tobirama had been so far afield this day. And as Izuna had hoped, even outside of the illusion the bespelled Senju had grabbed onto him and activated his hiraishin jutsu.

Unfortunately, Izuna probably hadn’t been counting on just where Tobirama had transported them.

The Uchiha found Tobirama and himself standing almost right on top of a startled looking Hashirama.

Going to his brother had been just gut instinct. After all, Hashirama had his own unique healing abilities thanks to his Mokuton and if anyone would be willing to hear him out of course it would be Hashirama.

But unlike the hypnotized Senju, the Hokage wasn’t under any Uchiha mind trickery. Finding himself face to face with the eerie copy of his best friend’s dead brother was startling to say the least and Hashirama froze for a moment.

“Tobira—“

“Anija! Help him.” Tobirama called out for his brother both in the illusionary world and the real one but the dulled look in his eyes instantly gave away his altered state.

[curseofhatred]

Dark days and dark dreams, but he would do whatever it took to get out of there, to escape, to move to where he needed to. Izuna knew that Tobirama wouldn't forgive him for this, that he was breaking a sacred vow, but the Senju left him little choice. His options were limited, his choices made for him.

He pressed his body against Tobirama's, and for a moment, he tried to believe that the other man was doing this because he wanted to, because he wanted to give Izuna the freedom he deserved. He closed his eyes and--

They weren't outside.

They weren't outside at all.

Maybe he should have thought ahead; Tobirama loved him and wouldn't just take him out of the field but to someone who could help, who could save this illusion's life. And who better, truly, than Hashirama, his brother's...what? Sworn enemy? Friend? He didn't know anymore.

But now he was in the lion's den, staring at the other man in the face, with Tobirama begging for him to help a dead man.

"...damn."

The word was a whisper, and he tightened his hold down on the genjutsu with as much chakra as he could; if Tobirama was released now, it would be two against one and Izuna wondered if there would be even a second of hesitation before the younger brother released the jutsu. He backed up, one step, two step, not wanting to attack Hashirama not because he thought the man could beat him (how fun would it be to test the limitations of this immortality?), but ...because of Tobirama. Because it was his brother.

What a fool he was for love sometimes. It would be the death of him. Again.

"I have no fight with you, Senju," he hissed as he moved awat slowly. "I just want to leave." And that would win nothing, he knew. Why would it? He was a ghost made real, and he expected to just...disappear? To be let go? Idiot.

And yet, he kept talking, digging his own grave, not for himself but for the enthralled man beside him. "Your brother found me and captured me, crafty bastard," he said, refusing to tell him the truth, that he made him, that all of this, all of this was Tobirama's fault. He...couldn't bring himself to do it, self-preservation or not. He didn't deserve that shame in front of his brother, and Izuna knew well how painful of a cross it is to bear. He wouldn't inflict it on him.

"You can't win." And rather than draw any weapon at him, he turned and tried to jump out the nearest window.